Sea-Camel

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

No Painting Apocalyptic Enough

And so it was very late at night, at the end of one of those days that just sits on your chest like that elephant of heart attack descriptions. It’s very late—when I usually write—sitting at my desk without distractions, worldly ones, but conspiracies abound to make one of those days even better, greater, though I assure you I am not schizophrenic as of yet (to my knowledge). I have always known that Little Emerson could not be trusted, especially when he’s reading Faust ad naseum. Little did I know you also cannot trust Blogger.

So I sit late at night, writing, something about the rumor of some future (in Galician), dark stuff, no doubt. I then go on into this raving rant, holier-than-thou speech. This is draft stuff that always goes into my notes—this endless pit of nonsense in my computer. (It’s so bad that my hard disk threatens—and, yes, I do hear its voice—to format itself if I don’t stop. So I write about my anger and the world and how poetry just isn’t the same without things being my way, apparently, no doubt, because I am an ILLUMINED one. This goes as a “draft” in blogger. All my pre-posts go into blogger as drafts because—and now you know why—I must edit my thoughts carefully. And so it stays a draft, but I go back, cause I can’t leave well enough alone, no sir. I change some things. I believe I added something as pastoral as “licking so much ass that the tongue ought to hurt.” (I’m not about to look up the exact definition of rudeness at this time.)

Morning finds me with this dumbfounded look when I see that my “draft” is not a draft. Not any more. I actually f****** posted this apocalyptic aberration. Not only did I post it, but C. Dale has already read it and has already commented on it. Shit! Resignation. He posted his comment in Spanish. There’s still time to undo, but no. Very little time passes when others make comments before I can delete my “draft”. And I delete it. Boy do I delete it! (People in my office: “Everything alright, Alberto.” Alberto stares at people. They go away.)

I found my post to be extremely insulting. Those who read it know this, though they were gracious enough to let it slide. (Those who haven’t read it can get a free copy from me by e-mail because I can’t do censorship, not even of the self-protecting kind.)

Yes. I am probably leaving the blog world, but surely for no reason involving the blogworld or other bloggers. And certainly not because of what hard-working poets are doing. I certainly did not want that to be the message and I certainly did not want to insult anyone. I came too damn close to that edge and I cannot allow myself to do that because I’m going through a bad time or cycle or moon phase, or simply because Taurus’ celestial horns have turned slightly askew on me.

My apologies to all the kind people who had enough sense to let this episode slide. It was an obnoxious, pretentious way to express my feelings, thoughts and frustrations. I am not being politically correct here; my thoughts, I think, are by now fairly well known and that won’t change. I simply apologize if I insulted anyone. No more Faust for the little fellow.

236 Comments:

  • El Alberto más querido, su poste me hizo muy triste. Desde que descubrí el mundo del blog, he leído sus postes fielmente. Los busco cada primera cosa del día. Espero que no contribuyera a su irse. Eso me haría más triste. Sus palabras eran siempre genuinas, y esta es la razón por la cual las admiro. Faltaré el leer de sus palabras. Abrazos, C. Dale

    By Blogger C. Dale, at 6:59 AM  

  • "This is horrible news!," she says selfishly. Alberto, Sea-Camel is/was one of my favorite blogs. I am going to miss you very much.

    Apertas,
    Suzanne

    By Blogger Suzanne, at 9:58 AM  

  • oooohhhh! it´s also a pity for me... pero supoño que tes motivos abondos, os teus propios motivos. unha aperta forte, alberto :-)
    Aquí

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:15 PM  

  • Apocalyptic, indeed.

    By Blogger Ivy, at 2:53 PM  

  • I'm lost...I've read the title of the post, read the comments in response, but am left to wonder where you're going Alberto?

    Please, I don't do well when I lack insight.

    By Blogger Jordan, at 4:53 PM  

  • Your insight is always unique and exciting and your departure will leave a large empty space in the blogtopia. I've made a short post over at my place.

    My best.

    By Blogger A. D., at 7:31 PM  

  • Wait. Don't go. I have enjoyed your humor, your insight. You have made me, also a newcomer to this, feel welcome in this community. You get so much dialogue going, so many comments. We had some good laughs.

    By Blogger hackzkztv, at 2:39 AM  

  • Does this mean you are back? I do hope so...

    By Blogger C. Dale, at 7:27 AM  

  • Holy cow, that's my worst nightmare, Alberto! I wish you wouldn't leave, although I understand...it's a bit silly this blog stuff...at least mine is--yours was/is always much more interesting. Check your email when you get a chance. xo

    By Blogger Suzanne, at 12:16 PM  

  • I will join those that hope you will continue to share in some capacity. I don't think your first post was particularly rude (or any moreso than it needed to be) primarily because it seemed vague enough that the arselickers in question could be just about anyone one might reserve vitriol for.

    So, I hope to hear from you in the future, though rebirths are a necessary part of life.

    In the future, I don't know if I'd own up to it... you seem to have quite the knack for a good stunt. When one can elicit disillusionment with laughter in that fashion it isn't schizophrenia, it is theatre.

    By Blogger Bryan Newbury, at 3:15 PM  

  • Alberto --

    Lord knows I've done the same thing, this drafting and posting spleen, sleeping my way through it, and there's that warm neck feeling. I think we all understand that. Try to think it through, because the fact you care means you should be here. If that makes any sense.

    By Blogger Daniel Nester, at 1:25 AM  

  • Alberto,

    I've been grateful for your sincerity and the thoughtfulness of your posts. If anything, you've been a community maker and a genuine supporter of others in the art. I will certainly miss Sea-Camel should you choose to give it up. But you know, all writing is a risk. You know that. Sometimes, many times, it goes awry. It just does. Which is part of why we go back to it again.

    Sympathy,

    Gina

    By Blogger gina, at 1:34 AM  

  • Hello Alberto, well, I'd been so busy lately that I missed the original post and reactions. I can only second everyone else in complimenting your blog and imploring you not to leave.

    And I agree with Gina, Daniel, and Suzanne's sentiments -- blogging/writing publicly is risky. I often blog late as night as well, and it can feel like you're just talking to yourself and thinking out loud. At least e-mails are private.

    And nobody's perfect. I don't know if what you posted was a "mistake," but if it was, I'd like to think that the blogosphere is more forgiving than that. If it's any consolation, you should visit the Yahoo! message boards. There's basically only vitriol over there, and there are the folks who should be apologizing.

    By Blogger Roger Pao, at 9:40 AM  

  • Don't tell me I found this blog too late!

    Please post more.

    By Blogger TwistedNoggin, at 1:52 AM  

  • Come back to us, Alberto. We keep looking to you.

    Gina

    By Blogger gina, at 4:39 AM  

  • I miss you, Alberto. It's just not the same without you.

    By Blogger Suzanne, at 2:04 PM  

  • I miss you, Alberto. It's just not the same without you.

    By Blogger Suzanne, at 2:06 PM  

  • Alberto, it'd be nice if you wrote again. If you appear in another [pseudonymous] blog, be sure to let me know.

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  • You are such a tease! Change your template and then you don't blog. I hope you catch that dragon.

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  • 釦覀꟣莑볣莈諣莼鋦躢鷣膆臨ꪰ苣膌藣膡飣膳鿣芹뿣莼鏣莼臣膮ꧦ뒻臯벁诣莥볣芹뿣莼鏣莼臣膧ꫤ붓鏣膮꟣膂蓣芒鿦蒟韣膦诣膕

    By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 3:33 AM  

  • お友達な状態です!!楽しいメールしたいので、はるによっかたらメールしてください♪ lovuv-555@docomo.ne.jp

    By Anonymous さいきん、お仕事が, at 3:28 AM  

  • いつでもであい放題&即逢いOK!スタビで暇な時間にであいを探そう!!であいが今までなかった人も当サイト、スタービーチなら簡単検索機能であなたの理想の方と出会えちゃう!?簡単登録で今すぐご利用いただけます

    By Anonymous スタビ, at 2:26 AM  

  • スタービーチが完全リニューアルして復活しました!!あの伝説級の出会い系サイトが満を持して再降臨。煌めくような今この瞬間にあなたの胸にもときめきをお届けします

    By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 4:10 AM  

  • モバゲーで探せるご近所掲示板で簡単であい!ゲーム攻略やおススメ小説情報もここでGET!ここでしか見れない裏技も公開中

    By Anonymous モバゲー, at 2:09 AM  

  • スタービーチは誰にもでも幸福をもたらしてくれる。ここでだからこそ見つかるであいはきっと一生の思い出に変わります…そんな体験をあなたに。思う存分スタビをご堪能してください

    By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 4:01 AM  

  • 一時代を築いたスタービーチは閉鎖になってしまいましたが、もう一度楽しい思いをしたい、もう一度遊びたいと思う有志により再度復活しました。本家以上に簡単に会えて楽しい思いを約束します

    By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 1:17 AM  

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